children's stories

written & illustrated by Grandad


Now, you may have a problem understanding Jack as he is from America and he has been here in England for just a year. He is a rescue cat and once in England he quickly picked the humans he wanted to live with. Although he has only been in his new home for a short time, he has already a best friend, called Ralphie, a ginger cat, who also lives with a lovely family. Jack is a very wise cat, he had to survive in very hard conditions back in America and had to fight for every mouthful of food. So he  was a very experienced street fighter. Now he is in England, he is well looked after, meaning he let the humans think, they were in control.

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Jack & Ralphie were seeking a free feed, all the humans they usually go to, were out, so they had to go onto the next road, now this road was owned by a black & white cat, but that didn't bother Jack. Soon they found an open back door and they walked in. "Right, Ralphie, you hide around the corner and I will put on that famous hunger face of mine and do my routine, it works every time, you see," said Jack. They heard  footsteps, so Ralphie hid and Jack did his number, Ralphie was impressed, Jack rolled all over the floor, rubbed up against the humans legs and then to finish off, gave them his best starving face. Then there it was, the words every cat loves to hear "oh you poor thing, are you hungry?", said the human.

After the human put food down for Jack, he beckoned Ralphie to appear, which he did. The human on seeing Ralphie said, "oh there are two of you, are you hungry too?" Ralphie wasn't quite sure what to do, so Jack said between mouthfuls of food "wag your tail and put your paw up." Which Ralphie did and hey presto the food appeared in front of him. Afterwards as they walked back to their road, they came across the black and white cat who owned the road. He was just about to say something, when he saw it was Jack and backed off, he had heard about this American cat and decided to walk away. "Whoa how did you do that?", said Ralphie. "It's a gift," replied Jack. With that they returned to their road, laughing all the way.


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Mind you Jack did not always get his own way, definitely not at the beginning, but after training his humans to his ways, life began to be peaceful, but once in a while, he had to put his paw down and show these humans who was boss. Every so often the humans would forget what time bedtime was and Jack had tried at first, fussing around their legs, but now he just goes for the direct approach, and closes his eyes (almost) and pretends to sleep walk, up and down in front of the TV. Works every time, mind you, he almost gave the game away, when one night one of the humans said, "it's almost like that cat is human and knows what we are thinking." With that Jack had to bite his tail, to stop him from chuckling out loud.


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"To all you humans out there reading my story, I have a question for you. Why is it after you have cut onions, you feel the need to stroke me. Let me explain something in very simple terms - I HATE ONIONS AND I MEAN REALLY HATE THEM. To the humans who I allow to stay in my house - NO MORE ONIONS, or I will find new humans."



"Also, my friends and I and all cats have a pet hate, a house without a cat litter tray. How would you like to be picked up from a nice warm room, put outside the back door and told to go and do your business. when its chucking it down with rain or it's freezing. Please for all the cats out there, humans get a cat litter tray. If us cats were putting you humans outside the back door, you would soon change your minds." 



Jack and Ralphie were enjoying the sun in the garden, there was the smell of cooking from the kitchen and Jack had that look in his eyes, which meant trouble. Jack kept watching the humans every move and then suddenly darted into the kitchen and was back in a flash. He put a meat pie on the grass and said to Ralphie "quick let's eat before they realise it's gone. Suddenly a shout from the kitchen, "JACK, where is our pie?"  The humans rushed into the garden and discovered them with the pie, immediately Jack had the look on his face which said, "Pie, what Pie, I see no pie, while Ralphie's face was covered in pie. "Jack, Jack, tell them it wasn't me, JACK," said Ralphie. However, by now Jack had that butter wouldn't melt in his mouth look on his face, the ME? look, that not me guv look and Ralphie knew he wasn't going to win.



" One of the best days of the year, is when the humans decide to cook on a small stove in the garden, I never understand why they do that, as they have a big stove in the kitchen. Anyway the male human is always in charge of this small stove, he makes smoke signals first, to tell others he is using the small stove and then waits for the smoke to clear and begins to cook. That's when I call Ralphie over, because the first batch of meat is always overcooked and that's our cue to move in and get fed."

" While the male humans are cooking, the female humans are drinking coloured water, we call it magic water, as the afternoon goes on, we sit by the females, rub against the legs and they reach down to stroke us and give us food. Ralphie and I work the table from different ends and we get well fed, yes it's really is magic water. When the humans have finished, there is always loads of food left, where they have cooked too much, so usually Ralphie & I hide it for later. Yes it's a good day when they bring out the little stove."



One of the things i love to do, is chase bees, Ralphie won't do it any more and thinks I am crazy chasing them. He tried it once, he was running much faster than me, I had scored an extra lunch from the humans 2 doors down, so I was not running as fast as Ralphie, he was getting very close to the bee and I noticed his mouth was open. I shouted "close your mouth", "what," replied Ralphie, just at the point, he had caught up with the bee and erm, he swallowed it and lucky for him he spat it straight out and amazingly it did not sting him. The bee laid on the grass for a few seconds, trying to work out what happened, started to fly off, saw me and stung me and I never swallowed it. Anyway, I still love chasing bees."



"I want to tell you about my best friend Ralphie, he is a stand up kind of guy, always has my back and is kind and compassionate. He includes everyone with his affections, he has taught me about including everyone and treating everyone equally. He is right with that, mind you I will never tell him, need him to believe I am not soft. As cats we observe humans and we see, that humans have different tribes and it seems after being around for a long time, they still haven't got it right, not like my main guy Ralphie."

"As Ralphie says for us cats and like most animals, we just see a cat in front of us, or a dog (shivers at the mention of dogs) sees another dog. We don't care where you live, what you got, your colour, we just see another animal. Ralphie says humans have a lot to learn from us animals, especially us cats. That's my best friend Ralphie."



" You know Ralphie, I am sure I can smell fish, are you sure that mobile fish & chips van has not turned up, I am never wrong." Ralphie looks around and sees the van and says "Nope, your nose must be smelling something else. " All day Jack has made Ralphie do this, do that, it doesn't happen very often, but Jack sometimes forgets where he is and who Ralphie is. Ralphie thinks to himself "if Jack doesn't turn around and stop being lazy, I am going home to my humans."  Finally the smell gets the better of Jack and turns around and sees the van. Instead of being angry with Ralphie, he apologises and says "sorry mate." They run over to van and sit by the open door, Jack gets on really well with the owner and soon they were eating a nice piece of fish.



"Boy, I am double angry, first how did one of the big humans find that control, I know I hid it really well, then I am watching my favourite TV programme and then all the humans come in. Now that was okay, until I saw one of the humans as I said had the control in their hand, I tried to watch the programme, but i kept checking what she was doing with the control. Then it happened, she changed channel, didn't she know I was watching that. I made my feelings clear, but no one noticed.

So I went round to Ralphie and the good thing was his humans were out and he was watching the same programme, so we went to the fridge to see what there was to eat and found some nice ham and settled down to watch the TV. I am so lucky to have Ralphie as my friend and it's even better he likes the same programme, but even better still, he is the champion at hiding TV controls.



"You know Ralphie, your humans would go crazy if they could see us now, I means cats who love water, who love the swimming pool and well if they could see you floating like that, they would not believe it, " said Jack. They both rolled up laughing, the humans had the pool put in 2 months ago and just needed to landscape, but Jack and Ralphie used it every day when the humans were out. They loved the water, because it beats having to lick all that fur, this was a million times better and especially after they discovered the magic shower by the pool. You just had to tread on a button and you got a cold shower, which is brilliant when it's really hot, like it has been. They had fun last week,  when they found the hairdryer, a human had left it plugged in, well Jack being Jack he had to try it on Ralphie, Ralphie ended up looking like a fur ball.


I hope you have enjoyed my story, Ralphie and I have enjoyed telling you. We have many adventures and will be back to tell you about them and......."what's that Ralphie, number 35, have got the little stove out, sorry readers Ralphie and I need to go, there is food about. See you very soon."