Return of the Robots
written & illustrated by Grandad


The robots after their run in with Theo on their last visit, decided to first fix the sat nav and find a different landing site. Which they did, problem was they had picked Roxanne's and Nanny's farm as their landing site. Nanny and Roxanne were having their morning coffee, when they heard the spaceship landing, Roxanne was not happy she had been disturbed during her coffee break. So she and Nanny went outside to see what was going on. To be honest, i am not sure who was the most scared, but my money was on the robots.



Roxanne was also really angry that the robots spaceship had landed in the field she had just ploughed. It had taken her all morning to plough the field and now the spaceship had made a huge crater right in the middle of it. Even worse they had disturbed her coffee break with Nanny and that made Roxanne really angry. As she stood there with Nanny, she was going to give these robots a piece of mind. The robots were about to find out, that compared to Theo, Roxanne was no pussycat and they would have done better landing in Theo's garden again.



The robots had decided to send a new commander this time and sent a lady robot commander to take over the earth. The trouble was that not one of the robots from their first trip had survived the journey back to the mother spaceship. When they opened the door from the first trip, none of the robots had survived and there was a very funny smell. Now you and I know it was the wind from the brussel sprouts, but let that be a surprise to this new commander of the robots.



The commander of the robots on her arrival saw all the cows in the next field and foolishly thought they were the occupants of Earth. She needed to know more, so put one of her robots in the shaping machine and produced what she thought was a perfect earth creature. However, the other cows did not take to this imposter and one cow was so enraged, that she kicked the robot from one of the end field to the other. All what was left after the cow had finished kicking the robot, was a pile of tin cans. Roxanne watched on and nearly got caught out, as she was giggling so much.



The commander of the robots, seeing what happened, knew then that taking over this planet, was not going to be easy. She thought it strange these earth creatures, had these odd creatures. which stood on two legs working for them. She had noticed Roxanne who could walk on four and two legs and decided Roxanne had to be the leader. The trouble was, the commander did not know how to get to Roxanne, the spaceship was surrounded by these earth creatures and none of the robots were in a hurry to go outside, after seeing what happened to the last one.



There was also the problem that Roxanne was still very angry that the spaceship had made a huge hole in her ploughed field and she still had not managed to have another coffee. Anyone who knew Roxanne, knew she had to have her coffee. Once the cows moved away from the spaceship and went towards the milking parlour, the commander of the robots, decided to leave the spaceship and talk to Roxanne. She moved towards Roxanne, but Roxanne was in no mood to talk, not even with invading aliens.

"Stop right there" said Roxanne, the commander was startled and did. "Look what you have done to my field." Continued Roxanne. "Whoa", thought the commander to herself "these earth creatures are going to be tough to conquer." If she had seen Nanny hiding behind the barn, giggling so much, she might have changed her mind.



"What I am thinking?" thought the commander, "I have a spaceship, hundreds of robots, I can do this." Then she saw the cows returning from the milking parlour. "Okay, robots, stand firm, we are the stronger army." Said the commander and looked around to reassure her robots, only to see them disappear back into the spaceship. You see, cows are naturally curious animals and came right up to the commander and surrounded her. The commander did no more, turned around and ran back to the spaceship and shouted "robots shut the door."

Which the robots did, the only trouble was they did before the commander had got back in the spaceship. Roxanne fell on the floor laughing, as she watched the commander banging on the door of the spaceship and when the robots finally opened the door, they dropped it on the commander's foot.



The Commander decided to return to the mother ship which was parked up behind the moon and report on what she had found out. She used her high powered cameras to take images of the earth creatures and their leader. She also needed to get back to the mother ship and change the robots she had, as the ones she had now were acting very strangely. Roxanne would had laughed all the way to the shops, if she knew the robots and the commander thought she was the leader of the whole planet.



The commander told her leaders, the earth creatures control the two legged creatures who serve them, by some white liquid the earth creatures produce. I heard them call it M.I.L.K., it has very strong powers and the leader of the earth creatures has the most power and we need to capture this leader. However, the leader and her soldiers have already destroyed a robot just by their feet, we have to be really careful. We need to capture this leader and put the leader into our creature copying machine and replace the leader with our copy, which we can programme, then we can control the earth creatures and take over their planet.



"Yes, that's all very good, but how do we capture this leader, she must have a huge army protecting her?" said the leaders. "Yes she has, but she likes to do something called "shopping" and she nearly always goes on her own." replied the commander. "S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G, what strange thing is that?" Asked the leaders. The commander thought and then replied "it gives the females of the species, pleasure, but the males always looked sad when they do this shopping."




So the plan was hatched, the Commander and the robots returned to earth and immediately captured Roxanne, flew back to the mother ship and put Roxanne in their copying machine and made a robotic copy of her. Then they returned to earth, put Roxanne in a nearby barn guarded by 3 robots and put the pretend Roxanne in her place. She looked like Roxanne, sounded like her, but one thing they overlooked, the pretend one did not think like the real Roxanne and the metal they forgot to cover up.



Nanny as she sat and drank her coffee, went over the chat she just had with Roxanne, or was it Roxanne? Roxanne had just gone with the other cows to be milked, "mmm" thought Nanny, "Roxanne letting someone milk her, didn't finish her coffee and would go shopping another day, that's not Roxanne." Nanny looked out of the window as she thought about it, only to see two robots with controllers hiding behind a barn.

Nanny decided she had to investigate and crept out of the back door and approached the barn. She brushed some of the dirt off the window and peeped inside. There was Roxanne being guarded by 3 robots. "I knew that was not the real Roxanne," said nanny to herself.



Before Nanny could work out how to rescue the real Roxanne, the pretend Roxanne appeared. Nanny smiled and realised she had opportunity to stop this pretend Roxanne, she giggled and invited Roxanne to have lunch. The pretend Roxanne hesitated for a second and replied "Thank you Nanny, yes I would love to have lunch with you, what are we going to have?" Nanny smiled and replied "oh Roxanne, your favourites, brussel sprouts."



"Brussel sprouts oh yes my favourite food," said the pretend Roxanne. Nanny giggled without the robot seeing her and replied "yes it is, so it's good I have cooked plenty for you." With that they went to the kitchen and Nanny served the robot the brussel sprouts, they sat outside as it was nice and sunny. Apart from that when the robot exploded, Nanny did not want to clean the mess up in the kitchen.

When Nanny saw the steam begin to come out of the robot, she excused herself and went to get the drinks, stood in the kitchen and started to count 10-9-8-7...BANG and with that parts of the robot went flying past the kitchen window. "one down, 3 to go." Nanny thought to herself as, she took a big bowl of brussel sprouts to the robots guarding Roxanne.



The commander had already transmitted to the robots on earth that brussel sprouts is earth beings favourite food, so they need to eat it too. So when Nanny walked into the barn with the sprouts, the robots started to eat them and Nanny started to count again and bang the robots exploded. Roxanne told Nanny she knew how to fly the spaceship, Nanny was impressed and with that Roxanne laughed. Roxanne went on to tell Nanny that the robots are not very bright and had two buttons on the dashboard one said "mother ship" and the other said "earth". They both giggled and hatched a plan to get rid of the mother ship.



Roxanne and Nanny loaded the spaceship with as many brussel sprouts as they could, then Roxanne squeezed in and hit the mother ship button. The space ship came to life and headed for the mother ship. When she arrived the robots scrambled to get the brussel sprouts off. Roxanne told them they can't eat them until every single robot had a bowl full. Soon they were all gone and Roxanne said "I will go and get some more, count to 100 and then begin to eat."

With that Roxanne pressed the earth button and the space ship sped back to earth, all the time Roxanne was counting, 98, 99, 100. A few seconds later Roxanne and everyone on earth heard the bang and the mother ship went whizzing past her and splashed into the ocean. Roxanne giggled as she thought "Nanny & Roxanne 1, Robots Nil."